Jeff Sessions hates marijuana but acts like a pothead

Credit: CBS
Credit: CBS /

Attorney General Jeff Sessions says a lot of nasty things about marijuana, which is weird because he acts like he’s a major stoner himself.

This could potentially explain a lot of things!

We all know Jeff Sessions isn’t a very popular guy in the United States. People seem to disagree with him on a great number of issues, including his stance on marijuana. The old-fashioned AG is promising to crack down tougher on pot like never before, even though the majority of the nation’s citizens support legalization.

But despite Sessions claiming to be firmly anti-pot, he sure seems to act like a pothead. To prove that point, Stephen Colbert’s Late Show presented a video suggesting as much. Using actual footage of the AG’s recent Senate hearing, The Late Show shows Sessions exhibiting each one of the substance’s most well-known side effects.

For example, from this one Senate hearing, Sessions is prone to random bouts of giggling. He also exhibits signs of paranoia, basically admitting as much on the floor. Due to “dry mouth”, Sessions can’t seem to stop taking drinks of water, either. But perhaps the most obvious symptom which afflicts little Sessions the most has to be his apparent memory loss.

You can watch the hilarious bit in the YouTube video below, thanks to The Late Show and CBS.

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As funny as the suggestion is, there’s no way it’s true. Jeff Sessions isn’t smoking pot — he just has a stick up his ass. I wish it were as simple as ol’ Jeff just smoking a joint, but those effects would only last for a short time. Being a douchebag, unfortunately, seems to be permanent.

Catch new episodes of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert weeknights at 11:35 p.m. EST on CBS.