After months away, Stephen Colbert’s monologue returned to the airwaves on Monday night. The Late Show with Stephen Colbert returned from hiatus with a bang, recapping everything they missed over the summer.
Colbert went off the air in May when the Writers Guild of America went on strike. While supporting his Late Show writers, Colbert missed the chance the share his thoughts on the dozens of bombshell stories that developed over the summer.
So, to no surprise, the Late Show host and his writers had a lot to get off their collective chests in Stephen Colbert’s monologue. Everything from cocaine in the White House to Donald Trump’s mugshot was on the table.
Colbert admitted it was a stupid idea to try to recap everything that happened since May. But that hasn’t stopped anything in late-night TV from happening before, so it certainly wasn’t going to stop Stephen Colbert’s monologue.
“I believe we have been off the air for 154 indictments,” Colbert joked as he kicked things off. It was just a small taste of what he had in store.
Here’s what Stephen Colbert’s monologue said about the summer’s biggest events
Stephen Colbert’s monologue ran for over 15 minutes at the start of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert‘s return. Clearly, he and the writers had some jokes and one-liners that had been sitting in their heads for months. So what exactly did Colbert’s monologue cover?
King Charles: “At age 74, Prince Charles finally got his first job. And the dress code was insane casual.
Russia: Russia banned America’s late-night hosts“, including me. But for some reason they did not include my friend Jimmy Fallon. I’m guessing because of Jimmy’s popular segment ‘Slow Jam the Borscht.'”
Trump Indicted: “We saw some unbelievabe photos of where [Trump] stored [classified documents], next to a Mar-a-Lago guest toilet. Look at that. He left the launch codes in the splash zone. Can you imagine using the bathroom? ‘We’re out of toilet paper! Wait a second. Never mind. I will just make a two-ply out of Syrian troop movements.”
Elon Musk: “In July, [Musk] rebranded Twitter as X, to which the world replied ‘Why?'”
Trump’s Mugshot: “On August 24, Trump was arrested at the Fulton County jain and for the very first time, we got a mugshot. That is one anger-glazed ham. Trump never passes up a chance to grift a buck, so he immediately began selling T-shirts, posters, coffee mugs, and even a beer koozie with the mugshot and slogan ‘Never Surrender.’ Quick reminder: That mugshot was taken the day Trump surrendered.
Bob Menendez: Senator Menendez and his wife were indicted with federal corruption charges for literally taking bribes in exchange for assisting the government of Egypt. Prosecutors are describing the Egyptian bribes as ‘a pyramid scheme.'”
Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce: “It is not an official celebrity romance until they have a couple name, which is why I’m deeming the two of them ‘Traylor Skwelce.'”
Trump in Court: “The judge in this case took the rare step of issuing a summary judgment ruling that when it came time for him to apply for loans, Trump persistently committed fraud by inflating the value of his assets and said that Trump was living in a fantasy world, not the real world. Yes, a fantasy world where he won the election, windmills kill whales and [he] is 215 pounds.”
Stephen Colbert’s monologue proved that there won’t be any rust on The Late Show as it continues to deliver brand-new episodes this week. Stay tuned.