Stephen Colbert prank calls Butterball, gives thanks for Trump

Late Show host Stephen Colbert prank calls Butterball's turkey talk-line
Late Show host Stephen Colbert prank calls Butterball's turkey talk-line /

Stephen Colbert got into the Thanksgiving spirit on The Late Show this week by prank calling Butterball’s turkey talk-line, and giving thanks for comedy’s biggest gift of the year: Donald Trump, who “gives everyone on TV something to talk about.”

Butterball offers a special hotline to its customers throughout the month of November for turkey cooking tips, which Colbert took full advantage of for two segments of his show that aired last Friday and concluded Monday night. Some of his questions to the patient reps revolved less around cooking and had more to do with familial issues, including how to disinvite his Tofurkey-loving nephew and crack cocaine-addicted sister-in-law to Thanksgiving dinner.

We also learned that (shockingly) using anti-freeze is not the best way to thaw a turkey, and about the issues involved with making a turducken, especially when the birds are still alive. “I’m trying to do a turducken this year, but the turkey’s having none of it — it keeps running away,” Colbert complains to one operator. “Gotta say, the duck doesn’t seem happy about it either.” Also, chickens are definitely not just baby turkeys, and it’s not a good idea to hate-baste a turkey.

Other notable queries:

“I plan to serve my turkey with some cranberry sauce, which I like with a hint of orange zest and red wine. The thing is, my kids like it plain. So should I serve both kinds, or should I leave my family and move to Barcelona to pursue my dream of being a dancer?”

“Is it baby in the bassinet, and turkey in the oven? Because I’m baby-sitting here, and I’ve smoked a fair amount of PCP.”

“What’s the best way to fry the turkey without setting my house on fire? And as a quick follow-up question can you connect me to the fire department?”

Here are the two hilarious segments:

On Tuesday night’s show, Colbert explained why he’s most grateful this Thanksgiving for Trump, who he dubbed “NostraDonald” for his ability to “predict the predictable.” The comedian started the segment by discussing the Republican frontrunner’s recent comments where he claimed that he saw thousands of Muslims celebrating when the World Trade Center towers came down on 9/11 in places like Jersey City, NJ. When confronted by various news outlets that there’s no evidence that actually happened on American soil, the Donald stood by his comments, maintaining that he saw the video but he doesn’t remember where, despite having the self-proclaimed “world’s best memory.”

Trump also recently bragged about being one of the first people to write about the threat posed by Osama bin Laden, even though his terrorist activities had been widely reported in the media prior to the release of Trump’s book in 2000. “It’s like he has a fifth sense that lets him see what’s already in the newspaper,” quipped Colbert, who suggested it might be due to the “psychic possum on his head.” This prompted him to make his own predictable predictions for the coming year, including the release of an iPhone 7, the opening of a frozen yogurt shop in your neighborhood and its closing within a year, and James Patterson publishing a book that gets purchased at an airport.

“Crowds will be easy to pander to, especially here in New York City, the greatest city in the world,” he predicted to loud cheers from the crowd.